YOU MATTER .

Start of 2010

January-Decided to cut all contacts with my ex boyfriend and become emotionally healthy. Step mom died of an over dose on drugs.

February- Valentines day sucked for me. But by the end of this month I met and started talking to my boyfriend now. I practically fell in love right away. Had to put my dog sammy down, she was really an amazing animal. 

March- March 2nd, Jay and I became official. One quarter left of high school. Saw my real dad for a few days.

April- I turned 18. I didn’t really get anything for my birthday except money. Counted down the days until graduation.

May- GRADUATION! The day I last saw and talked to my step dad. The last picture taken of him ever was on this day, and it was with me. Started summer.

June- June 11th. The day i’ll never ever forget. Got dumped that morning, went to lunch with my mom at applebees, went fathers day shopping, went to work, went to see karate kid, half way through the movie received a devastating text message that my step dad had passed away. All while I was at work and had time to make plans, my dad was caught up in a motorcycle accident. Jay and I got back together the next day. Dads funeral the next week. I was able to make a speech for all to hear. The viewing was the hardest part, my dad no longer looked like my dad, an image that will never leave my mind.

July- Jay’s birthday. Saw Get him to the Greek, one of our favorite movies. Two days later, broke up. I counted this as the worst summer, or time of my life that I had ever experienced. I missed everyone that had once been in my life and felt like I had lost a whole lot more than I did. I didn’t give up, I hoped everyday we’d be together again. We remained in love and saw each other every week and talked everyday; even if it was just hello. Went to california with my sister to visit my grandma, aunt and uncle. We went to disney land and as of the end of this trip, my sister and I hadn’t talked since when she decided to tell my whole extended family and then some, that I was anorexic (which im not). I also made my Tumblr this month.

August- I started college. I tried hard to keep strong. I had more hope since things started to progress with him. 

September- He told me he loved me for the first time in two months as I put him to sleep when he was drunk. The 10th came around, same day as my so called best friends birthday, me and him got back together that day. I did not wish her a happy birthday. after months and months of not being there for me when I needed her most, i decided to end our friendship completely. And I have not talked to her since.

October- I got drunk for the first time this month. There was also halloween, I dressed up as strawberry short cake. 

November- Thankful for everyone in my life who hadn’t left. Other best friend lied to me about being pregnant. Took my help for granted. I realized I didn’t need friends like this and it was time to move on and meet new people. my boyfriend has been my best friend this whole year.

December- Merry Christmas! My favorite time of the year. Spent the holiday with my boyfriend and his family at their cabin. Saw lots of christmas lights, drank a bunch of hot chocolate and hoping to have a wonderful last day of the year.

2010…

Stayed single almost the whole year? jan & feb. and eh over the summer but that doesnt count ;)

Were involved in something you’ll never forget? yes

Tripped over a coffee table? well probably.

Came close to losing your life? no. 

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? keith urban!!

Did something you regret? yes

2010: Friends and Enemies:

Did you meet any new friends this year? so many! 

Did you hate anyone? yes

Did you lose any friends? unfortunately 

2010: Your BIRTHDAY!

Did you have a cake? no :(

Did you get any presents? just money..

Did you get what you wished for last year? I didn’t wish for anything cause i never get cakes.. 

2010: All about YOU:

Did you change at all this year? a lot.

Did you change your style? yes.

Were you in school? yes

Did you get good grades? I did!

Did you drive? yes

Did you own a car? Yes. 

Did anyone close to you give birth? haha no. 

Did you go on any vacations? California, disney land :)

Would you change anything about yourself now? Lots of things. its a matter of time though.

Did you dye your hair? lots, speaking of, i need to again!  

2010: Wrap UP:

Was 2010 a good year? It had its perks. Could have been so much better though.

Do you think 2011 will top 2010? Yes i do.

Best thing that happened in 2010? I met the most amazing boy ever.

IN THE YEAR 2010 I CONFESS THAT I….

Kissed in the snow? yes :)

Kissed in the parking lot? yes

Kissed at the beach? no beach here :(

Kissed in secret? maybe? i dont know what this really means haha.

Had your heart broken? the worst i’d ever experienced.

Painted a picture? hmmm nope.

Wrote a poem? probably.

Ran a mile? yes!

Visited a foreign country? i wish

Cut in a line of waiting people? yes

Told someone you were busy when you weren’t? uhh yeah.

Cooked a disastrous meal? maybe, probably.

Lied about how old you were? nah 

Cried yourself to sleep? story of my summer.

IN 2010 I…

Broke a promise? not on purpose. 

Lied? not to anyone important.

Disappointed someone close? yeah, im sure of it.

Hid a secret? yes 

Pretended to be happy? haha yes.

Slept under the stars? no :(

Met someone who changed your life? YES 

Changed your outlook on life? i guess so

Sat home all day doing nothing? sometimes its nice.

Lost something expensive? nope.

Learned something new about yourself? yes 

Tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it? haha yes.

Made a change in your life? yes 

Found out who your true friends were? If i learned one thing this year, this is it.

Met great people? oh yes.

Stayed up til sunrise? yes

Cried over the silliest thing? yeah 

Had friends who were drifting away from you? yes.

Spent most of your money on food? ugh :(

Gotten sick? yes.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time? haha no. i’ve liked the same person all year long. 

Became closer with a lot of people? yes.

I will never get a happy ending. Things just keep happening that show how bad of a person I am. I’ll probably even get in some sort of trouble by posting this. I show the least bit of emotion and everyone runs away. No one can stand to see me happy. I don’t deserve anything. But everyone in my life deserves the world and I try so hard everyday to make that happen for them. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t care about myself and happiness only matters to others. I want the best for everyone. I just need to work on myself.

I will never get what I deserve and I’m beginning to learn that, and deal with it all at the same time.

Christmas is over, and the only plus about this christmas was spending it with my boyfriend. I missed my family, I had never been so annoyed by running around children, I missed my family dinner and gift exchanges and seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time. My mom made christmas sound so fun, they talked and visited with the family and were out and about all day long. Me on the other hand, sat around all day watching sports which I don’t even like, but just put up with. I hope next year is better. 

I HATE my manager. I don’t know how much longer I can stand this job.

I had one of those best nights i’ve had in a long time. I am so stoked for this week.

After working my ass off over 50 hours the past two weeks, picking up shifts, staying longer hours then scheduled; I have enough money to buy you the ultimate christmas present….. now you don’t want me to get it….

I can’t care about anything or anyone anymore, I need to stop. I just need to care for myself for once and from now on.